I've been recently getting to know myself. This may seem strange. You probably think you know yourself really well, having lived in your body since the day you were born. But, do you really? When's the last time you had an affair with yourself? I mean, like met yourself in a secret location and did something all for you? Because after 35 years of living in my skin, I've realized I didn't know myself all that well, and I sure as shit have not had an affair with myself.
Let me clarify. I know things about me, like my favorite food (bacon); my favorite music (Neko Case, Bjork, New Order...); My favorite place on Earth (Orcas Island, WA); My favorite book (Pride & Prejudice). You know, the important things. But, I asked myself one day, "Hey you, have I really spent some QT with you lately? Or in the last 35 years, for that matter?" And, sadly, the answer was, No. So, I've made it my personal responsibilty to fall in love with me.
Now, that hasn't been easy. I'm a pretty mysterious and elusive person; what you see is not always what you get. So, me being with me was easier said than done. For one thing, I realized I was really busy. I'm always booked with social activities, which leaves little time for me. What would I do if I had a night that wasn't booked with dinner or drinks or a bike ride or a child? Actually, I have a long list of answers for that, which would include: reading a book, taking a bath, putting some time in on writing my collection of short stories, drinking and entire bottle of wine, laying in the grass and watching a sunset happen, or watching "Wuthering Heights" or the entire box set of "Absolutely Fabulous." I have plenty of things to do that only require my attendance. So, why am I so hesitant to book some time on the calendar with just me? I didn't know, so I just did it. And, holy shit. Turns out, I'm a pretty awesome person to hang out with. Me and me had a great time together. I took me to Lake Dillon and stayed in a friend's condo, all by myself, drank as much as I wanted, read books, read fashion mags, watched ridiculous television, talked to myself, watched the sunset, and didn't worry about what was happening in the world at large. It was so much fun that I booked another date with myself, ASAP. I found out some things about myself: I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm pretty attractive. My breathe doesn't smell all that bad in the morning. I go to nice places for dinner. I listen to good music. I have nice conversation. I'm interesting. I clean up pretty well for a date. Wait.... was I? No.... yes? Shit, I realized that I had a crush on myself. This crush grew, and really increased the time and attention I was giving me. I bought me some lovely clothes, to look good for me on our dates. I got me a long overdue haircut, again, to look good for me on our dates. I got me a very, very nice bottle of perfume. I need to smell good when I smell me. Shit! I realized I was fawning all over me.... and, it felt really good. Why haven't I done this before? I was really enjoying this time, just me and me. I actually liked going to a restaurant and happily announcing, Table for one, please! Turns out, I fucking love me.
Well, this affair is still hot and heavy, and me and me are really in l.o.v.e. I think it might be a long-term relationship. And, here's the weirdest thing, I realized I'm a much more attractive person to the outside world after I've spent a little time dating myself. Funny how that works. When you love yourself, other people tend to love you too. When you love yourself, you stand in your power - so to speak - and everyone tends to see that. It's like the world is your oyster when you take care of yourself, and my ownly job is to show up with the cocktails sauce (i love food analogy). Life is just good. Pizza is delivered on time. People want to give you free tickets to concerts. Cabs show up when you call for them. The Universe is just like that with its rewards for being good to yourself. You meet more interesting people when you love yourself a little more. Funny thing, you meet people who love themselves, too.
Just another little talk I've been having with myself.