The band, 2 in a Room, sang, "! wanna see you wiggle it, just a little bit."
Though I'm not on a beach, and no one has been video taping me, that I know of.... that's just what I've been doing. On all fours. Every night. Me, in what is commonly referred to as "the dog position" wagging my hindquarters back and forth in slow motion. Wiggle it.... Then, moving forward and backward, over and over. Just a little bit.... And finally, circling my hips and hiney in a figure eight, like I'm doing a hula, on all fours. As it groooves.... Is this some sort of kinky pregnancy dance, you ask? Oh no, just the opposite. This could not be less of a mating call. This tribal looking exercise is supposed to keep little virgo-to-be in the position for the perfect birth. Wagging it, wiggling it, and working it all around so that I can possibly have a wonderful, natural birth free of drugs. This erotic exercise came highly recommended courtesy of the team of experts (i.e. my entourage) that will be leading me and Gentleman Husband through the natural birth of our first blessed child.
Now, I know most of the midwives and my doula have children, but did they forget how incredibly vulnerable and awkward they felt every minute of the day. WITHOUT the wagging and wiggling? Me thinks not. Not only must I deal with random people touching my belly (what is it with that?) and the stares and constant curiosity that pregnant women attract, but now I must wiggle it, just a little bit in front of Gentleman Husband without the hope of any hanky panky, b/c let's face it.... the bulge hanging down in the front might be beautiful, but it's not so sexy. No one wants to see me "wiggle it." I can say with some certainty that 2 In a Room will never ask me to be in their beachfront, bikini-clad video. Now, National Geographic, maybe....
Comments