Crazy Virgo

Ozwald Sniffer Beagle's 9-5

I had the enjoyment of working at home today due to crippling blizzard conditions of Boulder Spring Storm '09- Bigger, Bolder, Wetter. So, I was quite excited to spend the day with Ozwald Sniffer Beagle and be witness to all the excitement in the daily life of a 9 year-old beagle. Like most dog-owners I consider, on a daily-basis, installing a doggy-cam to monitor the mischievous activities of my pooch. For a year I've labored under the notion that Ozwald roams the house, sniffing trashcans, taking naps at various locations, gazing out the window wondering when Gentleman Husband and I will come home.

Now I wonder no more. This is how my d, o, double g hangs all day:

Turns out A Day in the Life of Ozi could also be called, A Day in the Life of a 65 year-old man in Assisted Living.

Walk.

Drink water, sniff food bowl, take food option into consideration. 

Same breakfast as yesterday. Yes! My favorite.

Long morning nap.

Late morning breakfast.

Late morning nap.

Early afternoon nap 

Long Afternoon nap.

Late afternoon nap.

Walk.

Drink water, sniff food bowl, take food option into consideration. 

Same dinner as yesterday. Yes! God, I love these people.

Early evening nap.

Late dinner.

Full-night sleep.

IF you're keeping track, you should have around 12 hours of daytime sleep my dog is getting every day.

Nappin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin'.

That's a sweet gig.

Boulder just got better (and more delicious).

If you know me, you know I love burgers (and pizza, and cupcakes and bacon, and pork in general - but that's another post). And, you probably know that Boulder wasn't necessarily my first choice of cities to live in. Don't get me wrong, I do have a crush on it now and then, and fall in and out of love with it every day, but.... that's another post as well. 

Enter LARKBURGER.

You will now have to physically remove me from Boulder or offer to FedEx this orgasmically delicious burger to me once a week, fresh, to get me to move, because now that Larkburger is at my disposal any given day, this crazyvirgo ain't goin' anywhere.

Larkburger and I met a year ago in Edwards, CO. It was love at first bite. Literally. I bit into this burger and said "I love you." The juicy, perfectly grilled medium rare meat set carefully on a buttery, toasty bun, with melted Tillamook cheddar,creamy mayo, a fresh-cut red-onion, and crispy lettuce stacked on top nearly made me cry. It's wrapped in paper and sweetly tucked into a little box it calls home until I devour it.

I dare say my mouth has not had the pleasure of eating a burger this fine. And, to make the situation even more desirable, there are truffle fries with parmesan and $5 milkshakes. If anyone tried to make conversation with me at this first meeting between me and Larkburger, I apologize. My eyes, nose, ears and mouth were dedicated to this hot, delicious beauty. I made love to this burger. I said good-bye to the last bite with a tear and a kiss. My first time with LB was an experience I shan't forget.

I've visited Larkburger several times since them, like a secret lover I'd go back to time and time again, but I knew I couldn't commit. Boulder is 2 hours from Edwards.

Now, Larkburger has opened in Boulder. Thank you sweet, 8 lb. 5 oz. baby Jesus. It's on. Love affair, back. I will visit at least once a week, I promise you. And, if you knew what was good for you, you would too. Don't worry about gaining weight from eating a 1/2 lb. organic stack of meat. We live in Boulder for Christ's' sake. It's a law that we engage in some sort of athleticism once a day, and twice in the summer. And, if you gain a few...psh...it's worth it for this hunka burger. Let me put it to you this way. If it was between Gentleman Husband and Larkburger, well, let's say I might be living and working at LB. Yes, it's THAT good.

Get your meat-loving ass into Larkburger stat.

So, you think the tournament is boring...

Dear Average Human, 

The Kansas Fan is busy being interviewed for multiple NCAA Championship documentaries to be shown on various large HD flatscreens around Detroit when Kansas arrives at the Final Four and wins their next National Championship. He asked me to discuss something with you that concerns us both. I hear rumblings around the internets and water coolers that the tournament is (air quotes) boring. Well, let me pose a question to you. What the hell is wrong with you?  Do I need to call a doctor? Are you feeling alright? Boring? Boring, you said? Clearly you must be joking.

I guess if watching Cole Aldrich score a triple-double, only the second in tournament history since Dewayne Wade accomplished this feat six years ago, and push the Jayhawks to a solid win over, who? I don't even know who the team was. Some team that has appeared in the tournament 19 less straight times than KU, bores you, then you are a person I don't ever want to know. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that watching Louisville and Pitt struggle to keep their heads above water, and barely win by a few points, rather than blow out their team, is boring? Is praying that Texas upset Duke, no matter how bad it screwed up your bracket, because you just hate Duke boring? Were the two nail-biting overtimes in the Siena, Ohio State game boring? 

If you answered Yes to any one these, YOU'RE A LIAR. 

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES? DO YOU HAVE A PULSE?

Unless you're someone who turns down opportunities to be on Letterman, Leno, Oprah, The Daily Show, Frontline and Meet the Press on a daily basis, sleeps on a bed made of Danny Manning's jerseys, has David Beckham feed you every meal from a golden spoon, has a professional skywriter writing "You are awesome", are treated to a $5 million fireworks show every evening, and have a personal Cirque du Soleil troupe performing in your house at your command, then you're shit ain't that exciting. And, you need to put a clamp on it. And, you're a big, fat liar.

Oh, what is that you say? The NCAA, heart-pounding, fast-paced, hoop action is not as good as the head-to-head competition of "Iron Chef?" I can't even dignify that with a comment.

Listen, be an American. Watch some college basketball. It very well may be the last great sport left. Don't pretend that the intensity of Bracketology hasn't gotten under your skin just a little bit. Don't join the dissenting lemmings of the world - who incidentally will end up rushing to mass destruction and won't bear witness to the crowning achievement of KU when they win back-to-back National Championships - just because hating sports makes you accepted by the kids wearing tight jeans and riding bicycles without brakes. Because you know what? They're showing hoops at the dive bars too, friends. Thursday-Sunday for the next two weeks, there's not a TV in any bar in this great country that won't be tuned to CBS.

And if you just don't like hoops because there aren't any "stars" and too much "team playing" and "too many no-name teams" and "it's interrupting Two and 1/2 Men," then you can just kiss my replicated 2008 Kansas NCAA Championship ring.

- - - - 

Follow Up

In case you need more evidence, Andy Katz is with me. READ HERE. 

The Aftermath

Hi friends. And, holy shit. Wow. What a weekend it was. I don't know about you, but I watched approximately 256 hours of basketball. My eyes are bleeding. I have the CBS Sports theme running through my head. And, I'm probably going to dream about Cole Aldrich's beautiful triple-double performance tonight. Yes, that's the first triple-double since Dewayne Wade did it in the tournament six years ago. But you probably knew that, right?

Being a CrazyVirgo means that sometimes I'm actually crazy. Legitimately. Mental-style. Sub-human. This was one of those times. For whatever reason, I thought I could simultaneously watch every game of the first two rounds on the NCAA Tournament, fly to Austin, TX, for the SXSW music festival, see my nephews that live in Austin, get a massage, and throw my sister a surprise 40th birthday party. All in 2.5 days. Well, I did it. And I've lived to tell about it. Don't get me wrong, it was cra-cra, but it was fun. 

After 12 straight hours of boozing and watching hoops on Thursday (shout out to my all-girl hoop-watching team),which did include informing the ENTIRE bar where I was watching, that I CALLED the Western Kentucky upset, I woke up hungover and ready to watch KU dominate. They did. Enough said. Then I flew, luckily on Frontier Airlines which provided me with DirectTV coverage of the rest of the games for a priceless $6, to San Antonio, TX. Sampled the delights of Taco Cabana (try it if you're ever in Texas) and drove to Austin. Gentleman Husband and I spent nearly 5 hours touring the streets of downtown Austin listening to free live music. We stumbled on a secret Metallica show while getting tacos at Stubbs. On a side note, I quickly realized that Austin has unbelievably good taco trucks and to my delight, mix tacos and BBQ, hence the highlight of my trip, the two smoked pork BBQ tacos I had. God love pigs and bbq sauce.  Anyway, Metallica was there promoting Guitar Hero-Metallica and lit up the Stubbs Amphitheater. Though we weren't in the show, the Stubbs taco stand was approximately 20 feet behind the stage, so we heard every note of Master & Servant.  

{Epitomy of Austin hipster-dom being interviewed}

The next morning, thanks to Amazing Brother-in-law, my sisters and I were treated to a massage where two full days of booze were worked out of me, therefore preparing me for 8 more hours of boozing, which I did at Sister #1's 40th birthday soiree. Tex Mex food galore and cocktails at a roof-top party with cigars, stellar DJs [incidentally Gentleman Husband and I decided we would be the first husband-wife DJ team, so you have that to look forward to], booty dancing and more tacos was what I call, a successful evening. And of course, this morning I woke up smelly as a boozed sailor on shore leave, drank a bloody mary and watched....you guessed it. More hoops! Then, finally, boarded a plane back to Denver where I paid $6 to watch CBS and proceeded to pass out :30 seconds into the flight. What a dream weekend.

{Glorious Taco Stand, which is honestly reason enough to visit Austin.}

Sometimes being a CrazyVirgo is a messy, messy job. It's a job better left to professional Virgos. For instance, could you have had a weekend like this and still find time to blog about it when really your eyes are bloodshot, you're lacking 16 hours of sleep, and your breath smells like three days of BBQ, beer, tequila and cigars? Think about it.

Yet another moment with The Kansas Fan

And Now, Another Minute With The Kansas Fan

 

Hello, readers.  I just woke up from a nap.  What?  Did Kansas play earlier today?  I never remember when they're playing until The Final Four starts.  Until a few years ago, I didn't know they scheduled any games that weren't The Final Four.

 

However, since Bill Self and Raef LaFrentz live with me, I've now been told all about the game.  How exciting!  I nearly fell out of my chair (which is fully constructed from the bones of Wilt Chamberlain), when Coach Self told me about the daring antics of Bison guard, Ben Woodside.  37 points?  Really?  This guy looks like Cole Aldrich with no legs and suddenly he gets 27 phantom Michael Jordan calls?  I think we all know what's happening here.  With a football program that is now unrivaled in the modern era, America has grown weary of unstoppable Kansas and its smoldering good looks.

 

One might have heard the following exchange earlier today, if one had the good grace to be in the company of Kansas:

 

America: "We grow so weary of unstoppable Kansas."

Kansas: "Do you want me to sign your t*ts?"

Guidance Counselor at Every Minneapolis Highschool: "I'm afraid your only option is NDSU."

Stephon Curry: "Last year, I was Ben Woodside.  Now I work at a car wash."

 

Conspiracy?  Seems pretty obvious.  So Kansas will plug ahead on Sunday, doing battle with [insert name of team that has won 17 fewer National Titles than Kansas] and America's dirty officials.  Will I see it?  Don't be ridiculous.  The order in which I prioritize "doing things" is:

 

- Watching Kansas win National Titles

- Watching Kansas win Orange Bowls

- Slam dunk contests with Julian Wright

- Other things

- Watching Kansas play basketball against somebody I've never heard of

 

In closing, I invite you to go to Minneapolis now.  More than 20,000 yellow shirt-wearing Jason Sutherland look-a-likes are wondering around the Metrodome, looking to unload Sunday tickets for little more than a handshake, which, incidentally, is the cost of a year's tuition at North Dakota State University.

 

Rock Chalk.

 

The Kansas Fan.

Madness = Kansas

Looks like CBS Sports is smarter than I thought. Printed their table tents with this years winner. Good call CBS. I like this bar more already.

Am I the only sports-loving, cool person in the city of Boulder?

Here I am. Up at 8 a.m. on my day off. Excited as a kid on Christmas. But it's not Christmas, it's the first day of the NCAA tournament. I took a vacation day - not even a sick day - a full vacation day to park it at a bar, drink beer and watch college basketball like an American. However, seems I don't really live in America. I live in Boulder, CO. I've been geeking out that the weather is supposed to be beautiful today to watch hoops. The rest of Boulder is geeking out that the weather is beautiful today because they're going to mountain bike/climb/play bongos/rollerblade/train for a triathalon/ street skiing/insert outdoor activity here. It's like I'm living in Outdoor Adventure Land, and I'm the nerd for liking team sports. It's bizarro Boulder. Now, granted, when it comes to college basketball, CU has nothing to get excited about. They were at the bottom of the Big 12. I'm sure this lack of enthusiasm is part of the problem, paired with the fact that their gym looks like my high school gym. I digress. 

So, I've taken off the entire day to watch hoops in a bar, in the Big 12 Region, and yet, no one seems to understand why. Other than faithfully devoted Gentleman Husband (who for reasons I'll never understand, still cheers for CU because he grew up in Denver, even though he went to KU), my neighbor who just likes to gamble on hoops, and my other neighbor who went to a Big East school, and several truck drivers I remember from this bar at this time last year, I'll be posted at Harpo's (Yes, they stole the name) watching busted televisions (last year they didn't even have HDTV's) because it's the only bar in town that plays sound and not just picture, enjoying the greatest day of my year. Cheers to all of you who live in normal cities across this fine country that get to watch games, with sound, on HD flatscreens. You're living my dream.

Rock. Chalk. Jayhawk.

Stop lurking. Start talking.

Hey readers. I see you. Oh yes, I see you tiptoeing around my blog hoping not to be seen. I have a little thing called a "stats" page that let's me know how many people are viewing my blog. Seems thanks to "The Kansas Fan" my little blog has seen more activity than it's used to. Well, don't just be the creepy person peering in the window. Say something. That's what the "comment" section is for. What? You have NOTHING to say about Kansas? You think what CrazyVirgo and The Kansas Fan have to say is 100% valid? Then, say so. Think we're obsessive, idiotic,  over-zealous fans? Say so. Tis nothing worse than a lurker who visits a blog, gives a read and doesn't interact. Much like the weird person lurking outside a window that doesn't at least come in for a beer before getting arrested. 

Do it.

If there's one thing I love, it's gay, brooding, electronic Brit Pop

Imagine my excitement when I learned via Trendspotter that The Pet Shop Boys have a new CD dropping soon. Compounded with Depeche Mode's new album, I'm as giddy as a school girl. There's nothing this Virgo loves more than British blokes, gay or not. Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, Erasure, New Order, The Stone Roses. But, seems I have a special place in my heart for the gay ones.

Let me rewind for a minute. "West End Girls" is one of the first Brit pop songs I remember being in love with. It could be the song that started my career as an anglophile. I was but a naive Midwestern girl of 13 listening to the radio in my older sister's room and heard this gem. "A West End town of dead end walls, East End boys and West End girls." There was something about the synthetic, electronic, dancey melody and lyrics full of British vocabulary and sound that hypnotized me. THe first :10 seconds of "You were always on my mind" are enough to turn you gay. However, as a naive, young midwestern lovesick girl, I had no idea about sexuality. The Pet Shop Boys were just different and sounded so good to my virgin ears. Imagine my surprise in my early 20's when I realized they were singing "It's a sin" to each other and not me. 

Seriously, I just thought these two were crazy stylish. 

Same thing happened when the "Violater" album came out - still one of the greatest albums ever. I fell head over heels for Dave Gahan. Poster in my bedroom in love with Gahan. I mean, look at this guy. laid on my twin bed dreaming that he would come steal me away from my dull. non-British life and take me on tour with him, and I'd develop a British accent.

 Tattoes, rough exterior, long hair. Dave Gahan = 100% bonafide hunkster. Rrrrrar. My full-on love affair with all British bands had really hit its peak in high school. And, what's not to like about Depeche Mode?Their music was full of the same brooding, painful, evocative angst I was feeling in my [protected] Missouri life. I stayed up every weekend to catch the "Enjoy the Silence" video on 120 minutes. I listened to "Violater" over and over, memorizing every word, forcing my Catholic mother to pray for my decaying soul. 

Though there's no report of Gahan being gay, I think his sexuality is questionable at best. He's no Morrissey, but..... you know what I'm saying. "Strangelove"....cmon.

Skip to present day, I may be the only 31 year-old female still harbouring crushes on these blokes and actually dying to see them in concert. I'll be the one in the front row throwing my bra at the stage. Suffice it to say, both DM and TPSB have new CDs out. I haven't heard them yet, but if they keep up their synthetic brooding melodies, I'm on their Love Boat.

Gathering KU support

My office has really started to come around to my March Madness obsession. My boss just made me a paper finger because he knows I'm not the foam finger type. That's the support I need.

Let's not discuss why I have an Arnold cut out at my desk. Just focus on the finger.