Crazy Virgo

CrazyVirgo - A Year in Review

It's been a year, kids. Since last year at this time, I've moved to Boulder, got a sweet job, got married, got hit by a car, went to Belize, made my directorial debut on YouTube, visited Kansas City (2xs)/ Atlanta/ Telluride, saw a lot of movies, read a lot of books, and perfected a recipe for meatballs. Yep, a pretty good year. Sure, I didn't climb a mountain, run a marathon, save children, find a cure for the common cold, but it feels like it might have been an above average year for this underachiever. I think it was double-whammy of getting married and getting hit by a car that pushed me into the Good-superior year category. And just to lay your fears to rest, I got hit on my bike, nothing serious happened, and thanks to a certain doctor here in Boulder I have more than enough pills to live pain-free through 2008, and then check myself into rehab.

With the good, there was also the bad. Granted, there was no drunk driving incident. I didn't get knocked up. Nobody got a picture of my choocha while I was exiting a car. I didn't get mauled by any zoo animals. I wasn't paid billions of dollars to get married and sire a turkey baster injected child. I didn't appear on a reality TV show. But, there were a few blips on the radar, and with that I give you:

CV Worst of 2007
1. Car breaking down in the middle of our move to Boulder, in none other than Utah forcing Gentleman Lover and I to re-enact a scene from the "Amazing Race" where we booked a shuttle to the airport,  flights to Denver, and a hotel in Denver in the lobby of a VW dealership.

2. Driving with friends from Seattle to Whistler while having an epic case of diarrhea, forcing me to take too many Pepto-Bismol's causing me to experience black tongue.

3. Drinking too many martini's at GL holiday party forcing GL to be my caretaker while I vomited on my arm and went completely limp in the cab on the way home, and appear the next day at my office as a walking molotov cocktail.

All in all, I think I did pretty well. Me and 2007 got along like two kids in a sandbox, throwing sand into each other's eyes, then hugging it out afterward.
Happy New Year!!

iPhone, my savior.

Last night, I lost my wallet. This is an event that has happened to me more than I'd like to admit. I was at the grocery store, attempting to pay for $7 worth of soup when I realized my small credit-card sized wallet wasn't in pocket. Shit. I searched my car frantically. Nothing. I drove, in the snowy night, back to the store I had just been to and checked the dressing room. Not there. I retraced the block and a half from my car to the store, scowering the snowy sidewalk, even getting down on my belly to check under the car that was in the spot I had previously parked in. No luck.Tears. Screams and thrusting fists into the air.  Why god Why? Damnit! I drove home cursing my own carelessness. Why? Why? Do I have bad Karma?  I got home and sat down to call my bank and credit cards to report my asinine behavior. No sooner than I got off the phone with my bank and American Express, then my doorbell rang. Hmm... Who could that be? It's 9 p.m. and I don't really know anyone in my neighborhood. Standing outside my front door, in the cold, snowy night were two men. It went down like this:

ME: Can I help you?

GUY 1: We found your wallet.

ME: (inaudible) WHAT?!?!?! Where?

GUY 2: In our parking space. We tried to find your phone number, but you're unlisted or something.

ME: So How did you find me?

GUY 1: Well, we were having dinner downtown, and your drivers license was in your wallet. So, I looked up your address on my iPhone on Google maps, and here we are.

GUY 2: We're just two guys from Illinois. We don't even know our way around, but we found ya.

ME: Wow! Thank you so much. I just cancelled all my cards, but thank you.

GUY 1: Yeah, we figured you might have been freaking out.

ME: Well, thanks again.

uncomfortable silence. Guys still standing at the front door. Looking at me. What do they want?

ME: Ok, well happy holidays.

And Scene.

Really. If someone had put a black backdrop behind these two guys, it could have been an iPhone commercial.I really do wish I could have given them a twenty or something. But, I had no cash, and just disabled my debit cards, so, sorry guys. They were my dad's age. Did they really need the dough? What about just a good, old fashioned thank you? What about the incredible karma they will have for the next few days? I hope they're ok with that.

There's a lesson to be learned by my asinine behavior. BUY AN IPHONE! I intend to. Lucky for me, my employers just gave me a gift certificate for one - but that's another story.

God I hate jeans with stuff sewn into the ass pockets

On the list of things i hate, and it's a really short list because I believe life is too short to hate, are designer jeans with their label embroidered all over the back pockets. I expect this from women, I guess. But what gets me even more than a woman with her back pockets full of someone's brand, over-designed, is when a man does it.
Observe:

What the hell is going on with our asses? They've become walking billboards. Remember when the only thing going on back there was a triangle, maybe a wavy line denoting Lee jeans? Now, I can't pretend I don't own a pair of Seven Jeans (ok, two). Because I do. I bought them in 2001 when no one knew about them. Yes, I'm that girl that bought them WHEN. And, I'll admit it. They make your ass look great, no matter how flat and square it is, which happens to be my problem. BUT, I demoted them to the bottom of my closet denim pile when the price equaled the same as a barrel of oil and the ass pocket design became entirely too flagrant.
I'm sticking with Levi's and continuing snarls at those that are silently screaming "Look how pretty my ass pockets are! LOOK. AT. THEM. In case you didn't notice my ass, I had it designed special for you."

Christmas in my head

Now that it's officially December, I'll start getting into the holiday spirit. If you know anything about me, you know that there's nothing more I hate than jumping the gun on the holidays. Nothing makes me boil over with fury and public displays of anger more than Macy's/Walgreen's/Costco/Safeway/7-11 displaying their holiday decorations when there's still Halloween on the shelves. I HATE - and that's a strong word - that Santa and a Jack-o-lantern are sitting next to each other on a shelf, both dying to be taken home in your trunk. That Happy Thanksgiving is sprayed on store front windows in fake snow, therefore not alienating the current holiday, but pushing the next holiday's decorations.

Setttle.

In anycase, now that I've managed that anger, and now avoid those situation, and with the calender turned to December, I'm able to fully enjoy the Holiday's with gusto and joy. And with that thought I'd like to share with you how Christmas plays out. In my head.