I'm a snob.

Hello. My name is CrazyVirgo and I'm a snob. Hi CrazyVirgo. Seriously folks, the past several days Gentleman Lover has been away meeting Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman and doing other very important things for his job, meanwhile I've been left alone with my thoughts. That can be dangerous. After a conversation with someone at a concert about how I was a music snob, I started thinking about all the other things I was a snob about.

1. Fashion snob - I will most certainly look down at you if you pull an outfit directly off a mannequin at Nordstroms and wear it. In fact, I have a name for that: Nordbot. I will also snob you out if you shop at the GAP. I too shop there every great once in a while, but I hide it, inconspicuously under a sweater or with a vintage scarf. If you don't do this, I will think you have no fashion sense whatsoever. Also, if you wear a blue shirt and khaki or black pants, I will probably public stare you down with a look of disgust, or at least whisper behind your back.

2. Food snob - I won't eat at AppleChiliFriday's or BucadeOliveFactory or anything in between. If you ever see me in a McDonald's drive thru it's because I'm too hungover to know the difference, lost, or in a place where no other food is available and I'm ready to eat my fingernails for protein. I always comment on people's lack of knowledge when it comes to ahi tuna, kobe beef, and Chilean sea bass. I will roll my eyes and uninvite you to dinner if you even tell me that you don't like sushi because it's raw. If you eat crab with a K, or don't like seafood "because it smells", I will reconsider our friendship. If you're afraid to even try a bite of a new food, I'll ask myself why I even bother knowing you, oh and I'll probably tell you I'm thinking that too.

3. Wine Snob - I lived in San Francisco for nearly 4 years. I spent a lot of time discovering and learning all about wine - learning being the key word here. There is a difference between Pinot, Merlot and Cabernet. I detest people that say "I really don't like white wine. I'm more of a red person." Have you ever tried Viongier? Sancerrre? Ugh. I detest people that drink White Zinfandel or red wine with an ice cube. It's like putting ketchup on steak. Take just a wee jump and be adventerous. Drinking a class of Meritage will not kill you. I promise. A good wine can make a mediocre dinner, amazing, and an amazing dinner, monumental.

4. TV snob - I don't really watch network television. And if you do, I will chalk this up to the fact that you like TV that serves the lowest common denominator of humor and storyline. I prefer HBO, PBS and Comedy Central - and this is mainly "The Daily Show". Oh, and BBC America, of course. I think network TV is contributing to the stupidy of our nation. It perpetuates the banality of suburban family life and doesn't address global issues, or challenge imagination. I'll make sure and tell you that "Oh I've never heard of that show. I don't watch normal television."

So, you see dear reader, I'm a full blown SNOB. I had no idea until I really took stock in all the categories that snob out. When added up, it makes me a snob - not a bitch, but a snob. Well, I've accepted it. Because if being a snob means that I look for originality, personality, character, adventure and richness in my fashion, food, wine, and TV, then yeah, I'll settle for the title.

Comments

[METRODAD]

Birds of a feather, CV. I'm totally with you on all of these. I'll also throw in "book snob." If a grown adult is going to only read 2-3 books/year, why the fuck would they pick Jackie Collins or Harry Potter?

Quick story for you: last year, I was in China for work and attended a fancy banquet dinner. When I saw that they were serving up bottles of Bordeaux from St. Estephe, my mouth started drooling. Imagine the fucking shock I had when the local host poured the wine into a rocks glass, threw in some ice cubes, and topped the shit off with some 7-Up!

I almost jumped over the table to stop him but I figured that would have been rude. Fucking killed me though.

[Geoffrey]

I love the jalapeno poppers at AppleChiliFriday's. More sopaipillas please!

[ridge]

i could seriously have an iconic skit on SNL for my dramatic reading of this.
it amazes my friends/coworkers who mostly just stay silent for a few minutes after it...
"FASHION SNOB"!!!!!

[Tweets]

I am snob about snobs. I don't know what that makes me... Snobby Snob?

I'm more of live and let live kinda gal, whatever floats your boat. But one of the things that kills me are the "I don't own a TV" folks. Good for you, but please quit raining on my parade if I like to indulge in a little Hills action.