I Kind-of Hate You, Madonna

I thought I really loved Madonna. The intro to "Holiday" and the video for "Like a Prayer" being reason enough for anyone to love Madonna. But I had really put her up there as, lest I admit, the sexiest woman alive. This wasn't just for looks, but for strength, provacativity (is that a word?), daring, intelligence, prowess, I could go on. However, this all changed last night when I was having dinner with a lovely group of women.

It all started with an innocent discussion about Layer Cake (please see if you haven't), where I was informing a friend that Michael Vaughn, the writer for Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch, had also written and directed this movie. Another friend, commented, "Boy, is Guy Ritchie's career over or what?" To which the rest of us stopped eating and pondered. Yeah, actually it was over. And who was responsible for that? Madonna, er, Madge, er, Esther. Bitch! The prodigy of British film, a man making movies so completely unique to anyone else, an extremely talented bloke, totally off the map now because Madonna forced herself into his horrible remake of Washed Up Away. And his lastest movie, don't even know what it's called, bombed apparently. Thanks Madonna. He's ruined. Untouchable.

Then, another friend chimed in, "Madonna ruins careers. Look at Sean Penn." Yeah, look at Sean Penn. With Madonna, Shanghai Surprise, bad-boy media image, boozer, controversial in the wrong way. Then he ditched Madge and won Academy Awards. Saved himself while he could and now everybody loves Sean Penn.

Madonna, keep your hands off the following:
Gwyneth Paltrow
Chris Martin
Jamie Oliver
David Beckham

I still love "The Immaculate Collection", and may still consider trashing this whole post if Madge were to befriend me when I move to London and become besties with Stella McCartney and Gwyneth Paltrow. But in the meantime, bollocks to you, Madonna. I want Guy Ritchie back.

Comments

[bitemycookie]

ew. your list of untouchable is gagging me. but i still love you anyway, you shirt cocking fool.

[crazyvirgo]

this is why we love each other, bmc. if our tastes were identical, we'd basically be in love with ourselves, and lord know we already do enough of that.

[J-Muthafuckin-brown]

I would also like to add Oprah to that list.

Pick, I really miss you and I love you so much! JT Loves how you post to him and Scott too!

[Rbrown]

Madge is a whore. I'm icky too because I agree with part of your untouchables list. In fact, if she touches one hair on one head of anyone in the Martin/Paltrow conglomerate i will find her in her overpriced Kensington gym and take her DOWNTOWN to chinatown.

[heidi]

Piven...what about Piven????? I will Kick-her-ass if she so much as looks at him!

[dude]

y0 1s t3h suxx0r.